Twins

This time last year, I was a weight loss expert. I was so good at it, in fact, that I lost ten lbs. in one day.

I would go through childbirth again if it meant I would lose the last ten.

Here’s the problem: I’m no longer pregnant, but someone forgot to tell my body. I’m asked on a regular basis when the baby is due. I get judgmental looks from strangers. I listen to people whisper, “Has she never heard of birth control?”

I have to explain that my belly is extra-fluffy because I am recovering from twins. I gave birth to one of them and two days later the second one came… in the form of an email from my agent, stating that I had six months to write a book.

Have you ever tried to lose weight postpartum while sitting on your butt in front of a computer screen?

Me neither. I ate chocolate instead.

Turns out the doctor doesn’t take the whole twin thing seriously. I tried to explain that my “kids” are needy, and that between two “newborns” I just don’t get much time to myself these days.

He offered to adopt one. Turns out he’s willing to take the book now that it’s finished, including all the royalties.

He’s such a man. He wants all the credit for none of the work.

 

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