You know you’ve been avoiding laundry when the only clean thing is maternity underwear. (They don’t do my husband’s figure any favors. Just sayin’.)
You can probably tell I’m not a neat freak. Oh, I have the best of intentions. I can make a chore chart with the best of the Pinterest Mamas. The concept looks great all laid out on paper. Until I mop up the spilt formula with it.
Did I just say the word “formula”? Another thing that will probably merit hate-mail from the Pinterest Mamas.
(Yes, I realize breastfeeding is best for a baby’s immune system, as well as for mother-child bonding. And congrats for doing it until your child was 7.5 years old. But not everyone wants to or can do it for that long.
So stop asking me in the grocery store how old my child was when she was weaned, because you are not going to like my answer.)
Please don’t take this column personally if you’re an organized Pinterest Mama. I’m probably just a little jealous that your child was wearing hair bows and tights at the gym daycare while mine was in her footed jammies.
After I saw your tight butt I went home and ate a piece of chocolate cake. Even though it wasn’t on my chore chart.
But please don’t give up on me. I can be an over-achiever in some aspects. For instance, I’ve decided to potty-train my 11-month-old.
I wonder how the maternity underwear will fit?
Bekah Hamrick Martin is a local writer who can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, unless she’s dodging homemade Pinterest Mama bullets being fired her way after this column.